12.19.2008

If You Leave a Girl Alone...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
(I'm a little early, I know, but the "Christmas Spirit" has just hit me.)

Every year I get annoyed by Christmas. At first...

I see all the crazy post-Thanksgiving sales, and stories in the news about people getting into trouble all over the place due to holiday mayhem. I get sick and tired of stupid, eager, greedy people giving Christmas a bad name.
Eventually, the "spirit of Christmas" hits, and I get to a point where I can ignore all the stories...stories of people being trampled by impatient shoppers, rumors of governors deceiving their states, assumptions of politicians lying, once again, to the entire population...etc.

Well, my friends, the spirit has hit.

* * *

Last night, I had the sudden urge to light a fire. My dad is out of town, my mom was relaxing for the night, my sister was busy, and my friend was helping her.

I just needed something to do, and I was cold.
A fire would be the logical decision to fix both problems, correct?

Well, it was kind of like "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie".
If you've ever read that book, it goes on a wild goose chase, saying that if you give a mouse a cookie, then he'll want a glass of milk, and then toast and jam, etc etc etc...

Here's my rendition of the story.

"IF YOU LEAVE A GIRL ALONE."
By: Esther Moore


If leave a girl alone,

She's going to want something to do.



When she has something to do,

She'll probably want to keep warm.



When she's warm,

She'll want someone to keep her company.



Then she'll want to do something while she has the help around.

When she has the help, she'll go all out and get A LOT done.



After getting a lot done, she'll want to clean up afterward.

She'll want to vacuum, dust, fold blankets.She might get carried away and clean every room in the house. She may even end up putting up Christmas decorations!



When she's done, she'll probably want to watch TV.

You'll have to fix her a spot to sit, and turn all the Christmas lights off so they don't reflect in the TV screen.
She'll sit down, make herself comfortable, and wiggle a few times to settle in.



She'll probably ask you for the remote.

So you'll hand her the remote, and she'll ask for a blanket.



When she gets the blanket, she'll get so excited and warm and want hot chocolate.

She'll ask if you want any.



She'll get up and make hot chocolate.

When the hot chocolate is finished, she'll tell you to wait while she takes a bathroom break.



When she comes back, she'll want to watch something different, which means she will need...

to change the channel.



She'll enjoy the new show so much that she'll sit back and admire it.

Which will remind her how cold she is.



And then she'll probably want something to warm her up,

and something to do to help.










THE END.


* * * * * * * * * *
An Explanation:

Last night I had a friend over, and they were helping my sister cook dinner. I got lonely in the living room which in turn made me bored, lonely, and cold.

I decided to light a fire.
Excellent choice.

I also decided to put Christmas decorations up, because (sadly) if I didn't, who would?
First, I rearranged furniture, so there was a PLACE for Christmas. I moved chairs, couches, cleared the fireplace mantel, and vacuumed the whole room. It looked cleeeeean, and baaaare.

This had to be fixed.

After about 45 minutes of searching for the Christmas tree, I found it and had it up in about ten minutes. I then arranged all of the branches, etc, to look fuller than it was in the box. I plugged it in (yes, we have a fake, pre-lighted Christmas tree) and TADA! It worked.

The festivities began.

I began decorating the tree, using gold beads (long thin strands of them, instead of tacky tinsel), little, round, red ornaments, and I refused to put anything else on the tree.

[I HATE TACKY CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS. I'm a very simple person when it comes to decoration. Less is more...]



Then, we did the windows.
Anyone who's ever been to my house knows that there are TONS of windows. Big ones.
We decorated all of the windows in the living room.

That's a lot of windows.

So, we put garland on the biggest, most important window, and lights on the other ones, and covered the ledges with my mother's collection of Santa and Snowmen figurines.


There was much taping and climbing of chairs and even a scream of fear once or twice. No major mishaps though...Although, we did break ONE ornament, and now have an odd number, and an empty spot whenever we decide to put them away. How obnoxious.

After finishing putting up decorations, we said family prayers and some of us headed for bed.
Others stayed up and watched "The Office."

A few good laughs before bed never hurt anyone!
That's when the hot chocolate was made, and consumed, in about ten minutes max.
Mmmmmmm.

Overall, the night went really well.
Mostly it was just a way to pass time, but it ended up bringing the family (that was here) and a friend together in the best of ways, helping each other, singing Christmas songs, laughing...

It was wonderful.




I hope all of you have a chance to develop and experience your own kind of Christmas cheer this year. It is a wonderful feeling, spending time with your family, getting things done, and having a beautiful house afterward.

If there's anything Christmas does, it's that it brings people together.
And we all need a little nudge sometimes.


Happy Holidays, everyone. And may God bless you in this Christmas season.

May your dreams be merry, and bright...
And may all your Christmases be white.


~E

11.29.2008

Bittle Lailee.




Telling this in present tense

I am sitting here, checking my email just like I do at some point every day. Bailee is watching Blue's Clues, which normally, can not be interrupted (if she had her way).

I open an email from my mother entitled "Interview with God". I normally don't read forwards, but since it was from my mother, I took a look. I click on the link to watch the video, and beautiful music starts playing. Bailee hurries over and tugs on my shirt sleeve, and I pick her up and put her on my lap.

*Before reading on, go here: Interview With God and click on "view presentation". The rest of this story will make more sense afterward.

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So Bailee is on my lap and the video starts, and her body just relaxes. I mean, every muscle in her body just goes limp, but in a good way. She leans her head back on me and settles in, exhaling.

We watch the video, and about halfway into it, when the question is asked "What would you want your children to know", she points to the screen and says "Jesus!"

"What?" I say. Not sure if I heard her correctly.

"Jesus."She says again, looking back and smiling at me.

I look somewhat confused, because if you watched the video, there are no images of Jesus whatsoever, only pictures of beautiful landscapes, and text scrolling across the video screen.

She points to the picture of Jesus we have hanging over our mantelpiece and says "Jesus," and points back at the screen: "Jesus!"

"Do you see him, Bailee?" I ask.

"Uh Huh, That one!" Which is her way of saying, yes, right there, and she points once more to the screen.

I sit in awe, wondering what she sees, or if she is just feeling Godly presence, etc.

- - - - -

The movie ends and she claps her hands and says "Again, Mommy!"

I press play, and after the first slide she says, smiling, "Jesus, Mommy! See him?"

I'm not sure exactly why, but at that point I felt warm and relaxed, just as she had when I pulled her into my lap. Tears formed in my eyes and I said "Bailee Marie, I love you."

She turned around, hugged me, and said, "See Jesus?" once more.

- - - - -

She made me play that video again and again, clapping her hands each time and exclaiming "Again!"

I'm not exactly sure what she saw, or what she felt, but it helped me to realize a few things.

She is one smart little girl. And she has felt the warmth of the Savior's love, and she can recognize when his spirit is present.

Through a video of landscape photography, and words she cannot decipher, she propped herself on my lap and exclaimed "Jesus, Mommy. See him?" So sure of herself, so intent on sharing her joy with me. She would clap her hands and ask for it, again and again. How many two-year old children do you know, that would ask to watch that video over and over again?

I was once again reminded of her great innocence. Her thirst and want and need for knowledge. Her trusting nature, that helps her to believe whatever it is that I or others who love her, are teaching her.

I am appreciative of her childlike innocence, and her ability to know when the spirit of her Lord is nigh. I am somewhat envious of it, also. But most of all, I am grateful that I have a bright, beautiful, SMART, young Daughter of God, who reminds me daily of what the Lord can, will, and has done for us. Each and every one of us.

You can take this or leave this how you like, but next time you are around a child, just pay attention. Look into their eyes and see how pure and clean they truly are. I don't know about anyone else, but that is the cleanliness, and the purity that I am striving for. So that I can be with my Heavenly Father again someday.



    Something to study/think about:
  • BIBLE REFERENCE: Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

  • BIBLE REFERENCE: Matthew 18:1-5 Emphasis on verse 4: "Whosoever therefor shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

  • BOOK OF MORMON REFERENCE: 3 Nephi 9:22 "Therefore, whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God. Behold, for such I have laid down my life, and have taken it up again; therefore repent, and come unto me ye ends of the earth, and be saved."


~E

11.28.2008

Humdinger.






Today is one of those days, where I feel the movement, but I don't get any results.

I can tell that something is changing. There's a hum in the environment (maybe its just in my head) that tells me something is changing. Something is working, something is...up.

I hope to find out what, and soon.

Other news: I'm prioritizing. Which for now means focusing on Bailee, on school, and on music. In that order. No boyfriends, no waiting list, no nothin'.

Joe and I are still on good terms. We are aiming for each other, but we both have a lot to accomplish before being too serious. We understand, even if you don't, and that's all that matters, for now.

Hmm. Don't really know what else to say, except to upload a few cute, recent pictures.

Love you all.


*Little Bailee loves big hats.



*Check out her face, and all the stuff on the floor.



*False advertisement: Read her shirt.



*Miss Deborah has returned. And don't call her "Debbie"!



*I see sunsets like this or better every day leaving from school. I thank God for the beauty he gives us glimpses of daily, and know that it's not even close to what he is capable of creating.



Esther Moore's Music
~E

11.26.2008

Lysdexic, Mickle Fe.


Im dyslexic, and I'm fickle.

Reading my old posts, I realize how much my life changes in such a short period of time.

I'm happy with the way things are now more than I was then, but that's inevitable. I chose this path, and it's working out greatly.

I'm not sure what my plans are next. I don't even begin to try and plan, because (especially with my music), I have NO IDEA where i'll be in 6 months, a year, three years, etc.

I take days as they come and hope and pray that I will be guided along the way.

For the family and friends who help me along the way - I thank you.

Ah, the power of...um...


So I'm sitting in the library at school and realizing that I waste entirely too much time reading.

Go figure.
Us smarties like to read and read and read and think and think and think and then we never get anything done!

Well, the GOOD news is, I'll be getting ym cd's printed, finished, and ready to sell really soon. So wish me luck on THAT.

I don't really know what to write about, but I want to write. I think I'll check the headlines.



Some *head*line.
Haha, that was definitely a pun, intended.

Well anyways...Thoughts about that video right up there:
Who on earth would spend enough time to make that?! Those were jsut blocks, meaning that they'd have to do it all on photoshop or something similar, adding in the pictures, etc. Wow. I do NOT have enough time to even take all those pictures, let alone make a friggin' awesome video out of them. I don't think I even know that many people.

I don't have the time, and yet I'm writing this blog.....
Well now that I've COMPLETELY proved myself wrong...I'll be returning to my homework.

Loves.
~E

11.08.2008

Coming up in the world.


I've learned not to judge too quickly.

Lately, I've been meeting a lot of people who surprise me with how easily I can become friends with them, relate to them, etc. It's shown me that I shouldn't judge too quickly, because I may be missing out on some great opportunities.



I've learned who my real friends are.

To all of you who are happy for me now, because I am happy and content in the situation I am in now, Thank you. I love and appreciate you and I hope you always know and remember that. But to all of those people who cant seem to find anything else better to do than talk about me behind my back, judge me for my actions, or be "mad" at me for decisions that I make - WellI'm sorry, but I don't think my personal life, or my life in general, has anything to do with you. My choices are between God and I, and the people involved. And frankly, you arent involved. If you were, you'd know.
And just because you know someone, doesn't mean you know what's best for them. That's what Mothers are for and last I checked, I already had a mother.
But thank you for your concern.

I've learned to let people in, and let things out.

I've done a lot of thinking in my time. Maybe too much some of the time. In the past, I have had a tendency to hold things in and then just blow up when things got too bad. Well I'm getting better, and I've promised myself that I will say something AS SOON AS a problem arrises, instead of just letting it eat away at me like a nail in a coke bottle. I'm done having holes dug in me from the emotional shovels that I swallow. It's time to get some soil and fill in the empty spaces.

I've learned that there is a reason for everything.

If I hadnt of run off with so-and-so, that weekend on tour, I wouldnt have realized what I was giving up with you. I'm glad everything happened the way it did, but most of all, I'm glad we are back together. I'm glad we can talk and be us and make plans, without having to involve anyone else. Not by choice, anyways. I love you, and I always will.


I've learned that toddlers can be fun.

Bailee has been an absolute doll lately. She says Please and Thank You (in words and in sign language) and Excuse me, and she asks for what she wants. So far, she is the most well-behaved two year old that I have ever encountered. Except maybe Olivia, fromt he Cosby show. But who knows how she really was ;) But anyways, I am reminded daily of how great a blessing Bailee truly is, and I love to watch her grow and learn. She's always so excited about trying new things and learning and striving to move forward. It motivates me to do the same!!!

I've learned to trust the Lord.

In the past, I've had a hard time just "setting my life in God's hands" and letting it be. I always thought that I would try it on my own first, and then if it didnt work, ask for Heavenly Father's help. Well, I was stupid in that respect. I have learned to put my life, my thoughts, my hopes, dreams, and wishes for the future, in God's hands FIRST. I believe...I KNOW that he will always find a way for me (for anyone) to accomplish what is needed. If it is right, he will help.

I've been reading scriptures every night (partnering up with Joe. Part of us basing our relationship on God and not each other, or the drama that goes on around us.) and then praying afterwards. I've started going to bed earlier and earlier because I look forward to reading scriptures, and I want to have time to really focus on it. I've started sleeping better than I ever have in my life, having amazing dreams, waking up in the morning feeling absolutely wonderful. I'm not saying that scripture study is a cure-all, but I'm saying that it's definitely helped me along the way in trying to become better, and finding myself in the Lord. And, it's a habit that I am not willing to give up.
Hi, I'm Esther Moore, and I'm addicted to reading scriptures and praying about them.

I've learned that things are not always as hard as they sound.


My cd will be done soon. Who would have thought I'd ever ACTUALLY get a cd recorded? I always hoped I would, and wished it would happen, but I honestly dont think I ever BELIEVED in myself enough to make it happen. I am so grateful that it all is coming together so well. The music sounds great and the cd cover looks Awesome! (Thanks, Mom.) I'm excited to release it, and hear people's feedback. I can't wait!

I've learned to live and let die.

The last few months of my life have been greatly overshadowed by the last few weeks. The opinions and love I had for certain people have been completely changed due to some things that have happened, things that have been said, attitudes between people, etc. And not necessarilly in a good way.

For a while, I had that slight hope of still being friends. The small chance that since I am a nice person, my ability to be nice and cordial to someone would help them want to do the same in return. The classic "golden rule" effect. Well, I'm not so sure it's working. It seems like lately, some of the people who were once in my life cant seem to do anything besides the things that I was trying to get away from in the first place. Which makes it that much easier for me to write them off as friends, or even "aquaintences" and still feel perfectly justified, without having to be mean. It makes it easy on me, so Thanks, I guess.

It's been really eye opening the last two weeks or so. Something I wish could have happened a long time ago, but at the same time, I dont regret a thing. Things happen for a reason, like I said above, and though I'm not QUITE sure what the reasons are for all of this, I'm willing to live and let die. I lived in that situation, I made those friends, I called the shots that I probably shouldn't have....But now I am letting go. Letting die.

Have fun on your side of the fence. This is one situation where I can say that the grass is definitely not greener. I'll stay in my own yard, thanks.



I've learned to like surprises.

I dont really have an explanation for this one, other than people surprise me, and more often than not lately, it's been a good thing. Its changing my views of people and things radically. I guess this could have gone under the "don't judge too quickly" category, huh?



I've learned to destress.

Before, my songs were about love; love lost, love gained, etc etc etc. Now I'm jsut...playing. I love to just sit down with my guitar, or in front of the piano, or the computer (to compose on cakewalk) and play my life away. There doesnt have to be words, like I always thought were so important. "Where words fail, music speaks." I've truly felt that lately. I've come up with some beautiful music that would only be brought down by adding something so simple and sinister as the English language. I think I'd rather just hear the melodies and harmonies and soft musical prayers that my fingers have been producing lately. I truly feel inspired, and can only thank one person.

I've learned to not get offended.

Okay, so in the past, I would. Someone would say something about me and I would get offended. Even if it was a joke. I would play it off like I didnt care, but I did. I would let things get to me, hold them in, and then at the least convenient time, I'd blow up, ruinging friendships, etc etc etc. BUT - I've realized that most of the time, when people are saying something about you, it's because they are not happy with themselves, or they are FOR SOME REASON, not happy with you....Which no one can really help I mean, if I went out and killed someone's parents, then thaty would give them the perfect right to say mean and nasty things about me. But it still wouldnt change the fact that they're parents were dead and I was probably in jail. (This would never happen, it's just an example....and probabaly not a very good one, come to think of it...) What I'm trying to say is, what does it solve, to talk badly about someone? I'll state things that I realize abuot people, but I try my darned hardest not to go around saying "so-and-so is a blankety blank blank" or "so-and-so did such-and-such and I will never forgive him for it because that is NOT what blah blah blah blah BLAH." I state observations. I form an opinion of someone, and yeah, it can change, but it rarely does unless I have a reason to do so. Most of the time, my opinions of people are good (with few exceptions). But I still can't paint everyone to be the "nice" person I'd like to think of them as. Some people just make it really hard to like them. Especially when you KNOW they can't be trusted.
It's these people that I used to get offended by. But I've finally learned to just let it be. Take what they say witha grain of salt.....Let their words and opinions rest on your shuolder, and then just brush it off. Let it fall to the floor unnoticed, even, because what harm are WORDS going to do, if you dont let them? Words dont have amind of their own. They dont attack like it sometimes feels like they are doing. It's the people who do the attacking. So if you are uncomfortable, then dont put yourself in that situation! Which is exactly what I am doing. So, sorry if you are one of those people that I am avoiding, but I feel the need to have friends who respect and appreciate me. Not friends who calculate the consequences and stupidity of my every move, when really, I've got it figured out a heck of a lot more than they do. Oh, and if you're one of the people I'm avoiding, you'll know. It'll be obvious.

I've learned to be blunt.


Some people just don't get it unless you are. You can say "No sweetie, I dont really feel like going out tonight" to get out of a date a million times, but there comes a point where you just have to say "NO I WILL NEVER GO OUT WITH YOU!" (Another bad example, probably...) I've learned to be nice, but not too nice. If I have to say something, I will. If it's going to hurt someone's feelings, I try not to, but if it's for their own good, I will. I'm sorry if I offend you in any way shape or form, but certain things just need to be said. And with people down my throat all the time about my life and my choices, I think it's about dang time I spoke up and stood up for myself. So...Sorry to all of you out there who like to be controlling, but I'm not allowing it any more. I am my own person, and the only person who has the right to control me is God, and myself. And waht did God give all of us? FREE AGENCY.

Maybe you should learn to take advantage of it too, instead of forcing your opinions on everyone else. Just a thought....

I've learned to love.

No need for explanation, because if you are involved, then you dont need one. And if you arent involved, then you don't need to be.






Just a few thoughts of mine lately.
Love,
Esther

p.s. Go to www.esthermoore.com if you haven't already and check out the demos of the cd I'll be releasing soon. Enjoy!

9.20.2008

And then there was you...


This morning wasn't so hott, but then I saw all my family again and it was better. It's been fun so far! The "men" of the family went golfing, and the women (and children, of course) are stuck home. We're talking just like normal and having a good time cathcing up.

Last night, we were all here, and I had an allergic reaction to something. Weird. My eyes puffed, my throat swelled, my whole body itched inside and out, and I wanted to just cry. I finally fell asleep on the floor and woke up jsut long enough to transport myself from my mother's floor, to my bed at home. I fell asleep immediately while Tyler took over and put Bailee to bed (I was greatly thankful...) and I didn't wake up until almost 14 hours later. I feel great today!



So anyways....I just realized I hadnt posted in a while.
Oh, and I got a new phone. Blackberry. I absolutely love it!



I miss staying in touch with the ones I love.
I crave feedback.

-Esther

9.02.2008

It's been awhile since I last saw you

Good song ("It's been awhile" by Staind.)

BUT That's not what I'm surrently listening to. I'm CURRENTLY listening to "Come Together" by The Beatles.



So...I haven't posted in a while.

And, I've been thinking a lot lately. (Using up the time that I would otherwise be using to post on my blog.)
And doing homework, but that's besides the point.

School is amazing this semester. Just being here puts me in a good mood. So far this year I have met a few new people that I really enjoy hanging out with. New musicians, theatre geeks, singers, writers, and a couple dancers. You know the drill. College "artsy" people.

Anyways, I've been doing a lot of "jamming" and I've even written a few new songs lately. Good ones. I think the more songs I write, the better they get. Which is obnoxious because I keep having new favorites and I can never deciede which songs I want to perform. So unless I want to play for three hours straight (I have enough material to do so) I have to pick and choose. Something I have never liked doing. Go figure.

I am playing a show October 31 (halloween! Yay!) And I have a set list planned, but I am having trouble figuring out what order to play them in. They don't make sense "chronologically" in ANY order. They are all over the place, so I guess it really doesn't matter. What I NEED to figure out though, is what song to start with (to get people's attention) and what song to end with (To leave my voice and melodies in their head forever more. HAh.) So....If you have any suggestions, gimme gimme gimme......please.

For now, I'm done. But I will post later on (When I have time after homework) more about what I've been thinking lately. And what I've realized. Just a preview.

Never drink Soymilk before trying out for a solo in "I Will Always Love You" by Dolly Parton. Just a Tip.

-Estra (A mixture of Esther and Sarah. My choir director calls me this because he can never get my name right. Cool.)

7.14.2008

I love my life.

Really, I do.
Lately, I am truly happy.

My music is going wonderfully. I start recording in ONE WEEK! Yikes...

School is easier than ever, and quite enjoyable, honestly. I love to learn new things. I can't wait for fall classes to get started. Two summer classes is not enough!

I've been seeing a lot of my family lately, and I absolutely love it. I miss them too much and forget how dear they are to me until I see them all together, laughing and talking, re-connecting. We shouldn't have to reconnect. We should just be able to be...as always...a family.



Bailee is brilliant, bright, and happy and she makes me love the world even more each day, just because she's in it. She's the closest to perfect I've seen yet, and how much I care for her. She really is dear to me, and to many others.

Words cannot explain a mother's love for her child. I won't even try.
Just know that she is the most important thing in my life, and everything else is not even close.
I love and cherish her so so so much.
Thank you, God, for sending her to me.
Thank you so much.

_______________

SO, new things in my life:
I've made some changes...

since my last post:
Tyler and I are "officially" together for those of you who care. We plan on staying that way, and so far it's going great. Bailee absolutely adores him, and he absolutely adores her, and the rest of the family, which is GREAT! Right now, we just fit. I'm not about to complain.

I decided what I'm doing after John Wood. I want to go to Carbondale (Southern Illinois University Carbondale) and take advantage of their music business major. I hear their music program is very good, one of the best in the area besides Western and some music schools in Chicago, of course. It gives me something to shoot for, something to look forward to. I'm excited, motivated, and somewhat anxious/nervous. I have plenty of time to figure it all out. Maybe by then I'll have some more money coming in from my music "career" to help fund such a move.


New this week:
I quit soda. Cold turkey. (I know what you're thinking. "What?!!?! Esther quit Soda? But what about "Mrs. Pepper"? )Well, one week I was drinking one or two(okay, maybe four)a day, and then one day I decided: I am not going to drink soda anymore. That was five days ago and I haven't had one since. I am working on the "No Fast Food" rule, but that one is harder to quit cold turkey when you are as busy as I am sometimes. Especially when your busy-ness includes a lot of driving to and from, up and down Broadway, while hungry. I've only had it once in the last week though, so I'm doing good. I've also been trying to spend more time outside. I take Bailee out to play at least once a day, sometimes more if she asks nicely. We're working on her saying please. She tends to say it when she knows she can't do something without getting in trouble, like while climbing out of her high chair.
She's too cute.
But anyways, I'm trying better habits. Wish me luck on my endeavors.

Something not so new:
I've been writing a lot lately. I went through a phase of neglecting my writing skills. Well, not any more my friends! Prepare to read/hear a lot more. Writing: whether in the form of words on paper (or computer, in this case) or song, prepare for new creations. There will be more. It's about time I updated, don't you think?

Thanks for reading. I just felt like I ought to refresh your memories of what I'm up to. So, here you go.

Love, Esther



P.s. Something I thought of today...Just read it, let it sink in, and ponder. That's what I did. Minus the "read" and add a "write", anyways.

Those who love, lose.
Those who lose, hurt.
Those who hurt, feel.
Those who feel, know.
Those who know, want.
Those who want, need.
Those who need, search.
Those who search, strive.
Those who strive, receive.
Those who receive, thank.
Those who thank, share.
Those who share, give.
Those who give, know.
Those who know, love.

Every one of us is at one of these points in our lifetime. The question is, which point are you at, and what can you do to move on, and continue the cycle? You can be at more than one point at a time, in different areas in your life. The trick is to keep the flow going without skipping over the important parts. Only then can you understand the true meaning of "moving on". Learning. Growing. Achieving. Being Yourself.
Who are you, though?
It's a good question that even I am not sure I know my own answer to...

My quest?
To figure it out.

6.16.2008

Just a little nonsense.


The guy who told me I should be famous already has a band called Bartholomew. They're myspace music page is on my links list, and you should all go listen to them. In the mean time, here's a live video of one of they're songs:



Enjoy. Love you all.
-Esther

6.14.2008

New time-passer.

I figured out how to do animated pictures, and edit digital video recently. It's kept my free time (not that I have much) filled.

I also wrote a couple new songs. Go here: http://www.myspace.com/firstofnovember to check them out.

Thanks!

6.07.2008

Starting new



A lot of things have changed. For one, I'm now an official performing musician. And, I'm getting paid.



Which is really exciting, by the way.
But on a side note, I've been writing more often then I was for a while there. I've written at least six songs in the last month, and they're good ones. Better than some of the older ones I have, although "goodbye" is still a favorite among my family and friends.

Enjoy.




Again: Esther Moore

I’ll try to fit a lot of words into a four-minute song
And I hope that I can sing without it coming out wrong
There’s been a lotta’ things that I’ve been thinking about
And I’ve waited too long so now I’m letting it out again
Again, Again
I gotta’ let it all out again
Again, Again

And I wanna know the things you hide from me
And I need to be the only one you see
And you need to tell me where you see this going
I can’t go on another day not knowing you

I’ll try to tell you how I feel but I will warn you right now
That the words will not come out but I will sing them somehow
There’s too many things unsaid and now its too late
I’ve been holding all this in and I’m just sealing my fate again
Again, Again
I’ve held all this in and I’m just sealing my fate again
Again, Again

And I wanna know the things you hide from me
And I need to be the only one you see
And you need to tell me where you see this going
I can’t go on another day not knowing you

I need to feel your arms around me now
And I – I can’t be the one to tear you down
I – I will find a way to love you somehow

It may take awhile for me to say those three little words
I’ve been up and I’ve been down and I’ve been better and worse
There’s a chance that you could make me say what you wanna hear
This song is purely for the purpose of making thoughts clear
And I need to know what you would say so please tell me now
If I could ever be the one to make your world spin around again
Again, Again
I wanna be the one to pick you up off the ground
Again, again
Tell me what you’re thinking about
Again, again
‘Cause now it’s time to let it all out
Again, again

And I wanna know the things that I don’t see
And I need to tell you you’re the one for me
And you need to let me know what it is you want again
Again, Again
Tell me what you want again
Again, Again
And we could start over again
Again, Again
Time to let it out again
Again, Again…



Going, Going, Gone: Esther Moore

I try so hard to do things by myself
But I realized I can’t make it on my own
I used to put my needs on the shelf
But now I’m making my needs known

I’m tired of sitting and waiting and wishing for a chance
I’m getting up and I’m trying to move on
This may take a while to balance in this stance
But I’m getting up and I’m going, going gone.
I’m getting out and I’m going, going, gone.

I used to be the one to say “That’s fine”
I’m tired of giving things with nothing in return
I’m finally taking what is mine
And I’m not waiting for “my turn”

I’m not going to sit and wait and wish for a second chance
I’m getting up and I’m trying to move on
I’ll make you need to take a second glance
Because I’m getting up and I’m going, going, gone
I’m getting out and I’m going, going, gone

I don’t have forever
But I don’t need more time
I just need the courage
To finally do what’s right

So I’m not sitting waiting wishing for another second chance
I’m getting up and I’m trying to move on
I’ll do the things it takes to make you take a second glance
And I am get up and I’m going, going, gone
I have gotten up and I’m going, going, gone
I’m outta here, Going Going gone




You can leave your doubts at the door, love
I don’t want your opinions
You can hang your head in the closet with all the thoughts you dread
Or you can come on in and I’ll help you clear your head
You could be the one to falter, I’d love you still the same
I’m not quite sure just what you’re after, maybe you could give it a name

Do you know which way your heart is telling you to go?
Or are you following my every move, hoping someday you’ll know
Wandering which direction to let your love flow
I’ll tell you now that you can send your sins below
Nothing else matters anymore
All you need are these colors and forgiveness,
All you need is an open door

A smile, a frown, and open arms
Nothing can tear your world apart
The world is yours, love
So you can leave your doubts at the door, love
No one wants your opinions
You can hang your head in the closet with all the thoughts you dread
Or you can come on in and I’ll help you clear your head
You could be the one to falter, I’ll love you still the same
I’m not quite sure what you’re after but always remember my name

Let it go and hold on tight
You’re in for a lovely night
The ghosts of what you once had there
Are haunting, flying, everywhere you turn
Things will tear you down, love
But you have to let it build you up again
Fighting every moment ‘till the end

You can’t give up after all this time,
You have to keep the pace
What’s his, what’s hers, what’s yours, what’s mine
It’s all part of the race and the world is yours, love
So you can leave your doubts at the door, love
No one wants your opinions
You can hang your head in the closet with all the thoughts you dread
Or you can come on in and I’ll help you clear your head
You could be the one to falter, I’ll love you still the same
I’m not quite sure what you’re after but always remember my name
I’m not sure just what you want, but just remember my name

5.06.2008

Show Details!


May 30 - Turner Hall - My band will be playing. All original songs. This show is for the more college age/teen crowd.

June 6 - Coffee On Broadway, 8:30pm Open to all ages, soft acoustic sound. All originals.


Wish me luck!!!

4.08.2008

My days are filled with wonder.







I've been observant lately. Taking lots of random pictures and imagining more than whats there. I try to recreate it on Adobe. But Imagination cannot be beat.

4.07.2008

New writing

Just some play-on-word lyrics I wrote the last time I went to open mic night at Coffee on Broadway:


Change: Esther Moore

I’ve been thinking lately ‘bout all the time I’ve lost
I know that there’s a price to pay but I forget the cost
The daily let down of time gone by haunts me in my sleep.
I dread the expense of what I want, because I know it isn’t cheap

And I’ve got a pocket full of change
But I don’t know how to use it
Because it doesn’t make a dollar
And it won’t run a machine
I’m waiting for a different view
Things aren’t always what they seem
And I need change
This seems strange
Something more than laughter
I can’t quite tell what I’m after
But I know it isn’t quite the things in view
I need something more from you

I’ve been all around the town and I know there ain’t nothing out there
Gimme’ something to believe in, I need a bigger reason to care
The daily let down of the time gone by, well it haunts me in my sleep
I dread the expense of the things I want because I know it isn’t cheap

I’ve got a bag that jingles loudly when I walk
And I’ve got jars at home filled clear up to the top
But they wont help me put my life into perspective
I’m gonna need something that’s quite a lot more affective

I’ve got a heart that’s full of wishes, and baby it may be a crime
But if you want to be with me, then you just gotta take the time
To figure out what it is that I need from you
And take the time to try something new

And I’ve got a pocket full of change
But I don’t know how to use it
Because it doesn’t make a dollar
And it won’t run a machine
I’m waiting for a different view
Things aren’t always what they seem
And I need change
This seems strange
Something more than laughter
I can’t quite tell what I’m after
But I know it isn’t quite the things in view
I need something more from you

Need for change





1 - I've been collecting change for Bailee. She (and I) heard about Naomi's favorite game of putting change into a piggy bank and thought we'd try it. She LOVES it. I've decided that I will donate ALL of my spare change (which is an awful lot - Around $5 a week, which adds up) to her piggy bank. I let her put it in one coin at a time, although sometimes she gets greedy and just likes to hold it. Every time the piggy bank fills up, I will take it to the bank (with Bailee in tow, of course) and we will count the change in the coin sorter and add it to an account for her. Even just a few dollars a week in spare change could add up to lots in the future! I figure, she should learn to save what she can, so why not start REALLY early? :) She loves it so far, I'm hoping her attitude doesn't change. (And THANK YOU A TON to Sarah who donated a whole Tupperware full of spare change to add to Bailee's Funds...She's still working on getting it all in the piggy bank. )

I plan to put pictures up soon of Bailee's new game. Hopefully within the next day or so. I have a video that I took of her yesterday playing my piano, and dancing when the songs get faster. I hope she takes dance :)

2 - I've also "changed" in the musical sense, lately. I've been REALLY into classical music the past few days. In my music literature class, we are doing reports over a genre of music that we really enjoy, and I chose a cappella music. I was looking on youtube for a "visual music example" (required as part of our ten-minute in class presentation) and along with "Thriller" Video by Vocalpoint that I found, I came across a guy who beatboxes and plays flute at the same time. And NOT ONLY that, but he's REALLY GOOD. He also has a cd out with his "group" which consists of a Double Bass (or string bass), a Cello, and his flute/drum set. It's really cool to listen to, and even cooler to watch. My favorite so far:



I am also posting this to remind some of you, and let others of you know, that I will be performing my ORIGINAL songs at Coffee on Broadway on Friday June 6th, at around 8:30pm if any of you would like to support me :) AND - I have finally finished the t-shirt design I've been working on for AGES - I'll post an image of the LOGO, and if you want one ($20.00 each) just tell me your size and I'll get it to you by June 6th if not sooner. Thanks!

Another cool video If you've heard the original to this song, you know how impressive this is. Especially towards the end when one of the guys hits a note that sounds high for me!):



And a song discovery:
"Knee Play 1" - From Einstein On The Beach, composed by Phillip Glass.
-Learned about this one in Music Literature (an example of minimalistic music) and let me tell you, despite being CREEPY, it's a pretty cool piece. If you have the chance, look it up sometime. Or ask me to play it for you if you're ever around the house.

3.04.2008

Just a few things..


These are a few things I've written for the Open Learning English Class that I am enrolled in at JWCC. I got REALLY good grades and remarks on them, so I thought I'd share my talent. Enjoy!

[This one, the teacher thought was funny. Said I should consider comedy as a hobby. I told her I'm naturally comedic, and MUSIC was my hobby. She laughed even harder...]
ENG 101 WELLER OLC
Esther Moore
Process Paper

How to Procrastinate Writing a Process Essay

Whether you are listening to music, watching television, sleeping, or going to karaoke night, you are still procrastinating. When asked to write a process essay, your first thought is “I don’t know anything well enough to describe it to someone”. After some careful thought and consideration, you realize that you know about way too many things to choose one and describe it. You think and think, brainstorming over and over about what you could possibly have to say that would sound important when written on paper. You want the paper you are printing on to be worth its while, and you pinpoint the one thing that you know everything about: procrastinating.
You could start writing the paper as soon as you think of the topic, but that would make you responsible. Instead, you log on the computer, open Microsoft word to make it look like you are writing a paper, and then open the internet. While the page is loading, you try to think of a thesis statement. And into your head comes...nothing. So you lean back and relax in your chair, and smile when you see the homepage on your web browser. You decide to waste some time.
After a while of surfing the internet, you get bored and decide to do some homework from your other classes. Taking out a notebook and pen, you brainstorm once more on what you could be telling someone about in a process essay. Still, nothing comes to mind and you turn once more to the internet for help. You go to www.Google.com and type in “processes” and hit the search button. Millions of things pop up! Engineering, computers, music writing, household projects, and cooking are just a few of the pages you are linked to. You realize that this idea did not help at all. Maybe a good meal would help you to focus?
After cooking, eating, and cleaning up some of your favorite food, you sit down and think “I am forgetting something.” Not able to think of what it is, you turn the television on for a bit. After channel flipping for about an hour, you realize that there is absolutely nothing on. You go to the fridge for desert and realize you are out of milk, so you get in your car and drive to the Grocery store with the radio blocking out all thoughts of education or academics. When you return home, you see your backpack on the floor and remember that you have a job to do. “I should probably work on that English paper,” you think. You stop for a moment, think about it, and decide to call a friend. Maybe they can give you some ideas on what to write about.
After a long phone conversation with your roommate about what your plans are for that night, you hang up and get to work. After thinking about it for a while, you realize that all you have done in the past three days is not written your English paper. You realize that it had to be thought carefully about, in order to truly put off the writing until the last possible moment. You also realize that in order to think that carefully about something, and act on it after careful thought and consideration, it must be a process. This realization has given you an idea, and you turn the idea into an essay. The process has been completed.




AND: Some questions for the day. I'll be posting new ones every so often, and you all should copy, paste, and post onto your own blogs. It will be fun, I promise!
PLEASE do this. I want to hear your answers!

Mine are below the questions.

What is...
• 1 - What is something you dislike about yourself?
• 2 - What is something you do well?
• 3 - What is your favourite room in your home and why?
• 4 - What is a good neighbour?
• 5 - What is the worst thing parents can do to their children?
• 6 - What is your favourite time of day?
• 7 - What is your idea of a dull evening?


1) My ability to use words negatively. It's something I try not to do, but if I'm ever angry...sometimes they hurt worse than I intend for them to.
2) Sing, write music, and write. My three favorite time-passers. In order.
3) My room. It has everything I need to stay occupied. Now all I need is a fridge....
4) Someone who you can get to know, but not be embarrassed or frightened by them. And they should never be nosey. Just considerate, and casual.
5) Not be parents.
6) Morning(ish), surprisingly. Between the hours of 8 and 11, I'm energized and ambitious. Especially lately.
7) Homework. Ugh.

Don't forget to post your own responses!!
Love, Esther

1.24.2008

Don't Know What Prompted This...


RANDOM MUSINGS. Esther Moore

If home is where the heart is, then there are bars on my windows and locks on my doors.
If ignorance is bliss, than it’s no wonder I don’t want to know you anymore.
A dream is a whish your heart makes, and my heart loves wishful thinking.
I’ve set my sail, pulled up my anchor, so why am I still sinking?
They say live and let die, but who am I to say who is or isn’t?
I like to think myself free because no one would really know if I was or wasn’t.
Time heals all heartache is a cheating lie, because I’ve waited time and eternity.
I “turned things around” and sat patiently waiting, and you still haven’t come back to me.
If real Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then you must see something different,
because you don’t seem to see my beauty and always internally accept it.
I may be rough but I’m no diamond, and our minds must not be great.
To think alike we would be alike, and that would be a mistake.
If today is called the present, then there’s no way in hell I’d give you mine
Because you don’t deserve an explanation, and second chances are hard to find.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, if only it were true with men.
I’d love to have one man who counted for two, and not have to break again.
A friend in need is a friend indeed, but what if you’re being used?
I can’t seem to come to a stopping point between “love”, and being abused.
If absence makes the heart grow fonder, than maybe you should leave.
And all that is well will end well, maybe if you just believe.
Appearances are deceptive, and you sure as hell fooled me.
I thought you cared enough to become the person I thought you would be.
But bad new travels fast, and when you heard my idea,
You turned and ran away. How dare I try to change you? You ask,
And I have no reason, or explanation, I only have my heart to lie
On the line for us, I’d do anything to make things how they were.
I only wish I could tell you this, instead of acting like I don’t care anymore.
Beauty is only skin-deep, and you always say I’m beautiful.
But what comes next? What’s on the inside of this deep black heartless hole?
I wish I had a choice in this, but beggars can not choose,
And I’m down on hands and knees by now, praying not to lose.
They say it’s better to be safe than sorry, and I’m living dangerously.
I’m still sorry about everything, and I hope you take me seriously,
Because I’m pouring out my heart to you, all in common phrases.
I don’t know how else to say all this, the words come out in stages.
Curiosity killed the cat, and I want to hear it loud and clear.
Why did you choose a different life, when you had me right here?
I know I instigated things, and said I was done trying.
But when has it ever been my word over someone else’s that you were buying?
Go Figure that the one time I expect you to know the truth,
Is the time you run and play your games, expecting me to wait for you.
I didn’t wait, and I don’t regret it, but I still want you sometimes.
Couldn’t we still be friends at heart, and live our separate lives?
“Divide and rule”, my advice to you – for you have great potential.
I’m proud of you and you success, despite our differential.
Do not wear out your welcome is what was pounded into my head,
So I guess I’m leaving now that all of these things have just been said.

I hate to love you after all this, but honestly, I should.
I would tell you to talk to me if you needed me, but I know that you would.
I would have written this and burned it, if I thought I could.
But it’s easier said than done, you know, to say Goodbye for good.

Some Recent Writing: A New Take on Poetry



A new take on “poetry”. Esther Moore
You ask me who I am, and I’m not sure what to tell you.
I know what’s inside of myself but not what you see, for I don’t much like the mirror.
I am strong and pertinent, the same as always, and I am not afraid of change.
I will take a stand; raise my voice, if it means I will get my point across.
And in this life that I pretend to live, no one is the boss.

I believe in what I fight for, and I fight for what I believe in.
Hate makes us weak, but I’ve done my fair share of growing stronger.
I love too hard, too fast, and probably too much, but it’s better than not at all.
I will do anything to state my opinion, because it feels so good to be heard.
You could tell me about yourself now, but I wouldn’t hear a word.

Never is the time to pretend you are someone else, love.
We have all been hurt by our dark pasts and revenge, my friend, is sweet.
I have a story or two to tell, If you will listen long enough to make it worth my while.
Don’t look at me like you are confused, because I know you understand.
Please, Baby, take my hand.

I’ll show you what I mean when I say “adventure”.
I’ll tell you what I want and you can make my wildest dreams come true.
And we’ll dance until forever, picturing a future in the stars.
Come a little closer to the point of no return.
Now put a hand on my heart, and feel the hatred burn.

I tell it how it is, no lies. I hate to say I’m wrong.
I’m willing to admit my faults, as long as it is my idea, not yours.
Whether or not I change them is entirely up to me. Always.
When you say you want me, do you mean in reality?
Because with your wink and a cheap drink, I can’t take you seriously.

If you ask me what my instincts are, I’ll look at you and laugh.
Instincts are for wild animals, and I am quite civil.
I don’t like being made fool of, and your slowly falling off my good-list.
Publicity does not change who I am, and neither can your mindless games.
If I wanted to know about you, dear, I would ask your name.

If I really thought you knew what I needed, I would run the other way.
I don’t want someone to rely on. I want someone to hold me, kiss me, Love me the way I deserve.
Sometimes it’s just too much to ask when all you want is something different.
I told you before that I am not afraid of change.
Is now the time to find it, through this cheesy word exchange?

I used to be someone else before I found myself inside.
I just needed to look deeper, close my eyes and take a risk on something.
I found the person I wanted to be, and I’m trying my hardest change.
I used to say that I was sorry but never really take the blame.
But now is the time to show the world that I am not the same.

I’m changing who I am today; proving what I’m made of.
I will try my best to be someone, and give a good impression.
My inner beauty will thank me for flaunting it; my outer will enjoy the peace.
I bet you didn’t know that I had all these things to say.
It’s too bad you can’t see inside yourself, and choose a different way.