A true UPDATE on me.

Wow! It has been a year since my last post. And I only wish I could say it was because I forgot about this blog. And even though I did forget to keep you updated, I also was purely busy and well...occupied...

Long stories short:

In the last year, I have made some bad decisions due to a major change in my life. The bad thing: It ruined my image in a lot of people's eyes, but I am working to redeem myself as quickly and as truly as possible. The good thing: I got a lot of good writing from it. So, thanks for that.

I have also taken a semester break from schooling, and had some much-needed time to myself and with family. I got distracted over the summer and found myself in WAY too deep in another relationship that was going nowhere fast. It was dangerous and I was being controlled and therefor progressively unhappy. Luckily, I managed to get out with my dignity still in tact about four months ago and am doing MUCH better now. I have since met another and we are moving slowly but surely towards what I have always wanted in a relationship, rather than what I have always feared. It's going very well and I hope to come back with more positive feedback as the weeks, months, (years?) pass by.

Other than those major things happening, I have been my normal self. Writing music and other things, performing around the area...released a cd last January and have sold over 200 copies. I also have been featured a couple different times in newspapers and articles in the area, and I have helped quite a few other young bands/artists make names for themselves. My home life and my career are going fantastically, and my Daughter Bailee is growing beautifully (I still cant believe she's three already!), just as she always has.



All in all, I am happy.

I manage to see the good in every day, and I help the effort by listing three things I am thankful for before going to bed each night. And I GREATLY suggest it to anyone. It has had a great effect in how I sleep and the mood I'm in when I wake up. And its even better when I make it public through facebook or just writing it down somehow, to share what I'm grateful for with the ones I am grateful for.

Anyway, I am doing well. Lots of new writing. I'm thinking about posting it somewhere, but a lot of it is very personal. We'll see.

-Esther

p.s. Check out my choice for Song of the Day: "Per Te" by Josh Groban
It's on my playlist to your right. Click on it, close your eyes, and relax. :)

If You Leave a Girl Alone...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
(I'm a little early, I know, but the "Christmas Spirit" has just hit me.)

Every year I get annoyed by Christmas. At first...

I see all the crazy post-Thanksgiving sales, and stories in the news about people getting into trouble all over the place due to holiday mayhem. I get sick and tired of stupid, eager, greedy people giving Christmas a bad name.
Eventually, the "spirit of Christmas" hits, and I get to a point where I can ignore all the stories...stories of people being trampled by impatient shoppers, rumors of governors deceiving their states, assumptions of politicians lying, once again, to the entire population...etc.

Well, my friends, the spirit has hit.

* * *

Last night, I had the sudden urge to light a fire. My dad is out of town, my mom was relaxing for the night, my sister was busy, and my friend was helping her.

I just needed something to do, and I was cold.
A fire would be the logical decision to fix both problems, correct?

Well, it was kind of like "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie".
If you've ever read that book, it goes on a wild goose chase, saying that if you give a mouse a cookie, then he'll want a glass of milk, and then toast and jam, etc etc etc...

Here's my rendition of the story.

"IF YOU LEAVE A GIRL ALONE."
By: Esther Moore


If leave a girl alone,

She's going to want something to do.



When she has something to do,

She'll probably want to keep warm.



When she's warm,

She'll want someone to keep her company.



Then she'll want to do something while she has the help around.

When she has the help, she'll go all out and get A LOT done.



After getting a lot done, she'll want to clean up afterward.

She'll want to vacuum, dust, fold blankets.She might get carried away and clean every room in the house. She may even end up putting up Christmas decorations!



When she's done, she'll probably want to watch TV.

You'll have to fix her a spot to sit, and turn all the Christmas lights off so they don't reflect in the TV screen.
She'll sit down, make herself comfortable, and wiggle a few times to settle in.



She'll probably ask you for the remote.

So you'll hand her the remote, and she'll ask for a blanket.



When she gets the blanket, she'll get so excited and warm and want hot chocolate.

She'll ask if you want any.



She'll get up and make hot chocolate.

When the hot chocolate is finished, she'll tell you to wait while she takes a bathroom break.



When she comes back, she'll want to watch something different, which means she will need...

to change the channel.



She'll enjoy the new show so much that she'll sit back and admire it.

Which will remind her how cold she is.



And then she'll probably want something to warm her up,

and something to do to help.










THE END.


* * * * * * * * * *
An Explanation:

Last night I had a friend over, and they were helping my sister cook dinner. I got lonely in the living room which in turn made me bored, lonely, and cold.

I decided to light a fire.
Excellent choice.

I also decided to put Christmas decorations up, because (sadly) if I didn't, who would?
First, I rearranged furniture, so there was a PLACE for Christmas. I moved chairs, couches, cleared the fireplace mantel, and vacuumed the whole room. It looked cleeeeean, and baaaare.

This had to be fixed.

After about 45 minutes of searching for the Christmas tree, I found it and had it up in about ten minutes. I then arranged all of the branches, etc, to look fuller than it was in the box. I plugged it in (yes, we have a fake, pre-lighted Christmas tree) and TADA! It worked.

The festivities began.

I began decorating the tree, using gold beads (long thin strands of them, instead of tacky tinsel), little, round, red ornaments, and I refused to put anything else on the tree.

[I HATE TACKY CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS. I'm a very simple person when it comes to decoration. Less is more...]



Then, we did the windows.
Anyone who's ever been to my house knows that there are TONS of windows. Big ones.
We decorated all of the windows in the living room.

That's a lot of windows.

So, we put garland on the biggest, most important window, and lights on the other ones, and covered the ledges with my mother's collection of Santa and Snowmen figurines.


There was much taping and climbing of chairs and even a scream of fear once or twice. No major mishaps though...Although, we did break ONE ornament, and now have an odd number, and an empty spot whenever we decide to put them away. How obnoxious.

After finishing putting up decorations, we said family prayers and some of us headed for bed.
Others stayed up and watched "The Office."

A few good laughs before bed never hurt anyone!
That's when the hot chocolate was made, and consumed, in about ten minutes max.
Mmmmmmm.

Overall, the night went really well.
Mostly it was just a way to pass time, but it ended up bringing the family (that was here) and a friend together in the best of ways, helping each other, singing Christmas songs, laughing...

It was wonderful.




I hope all of you have a chance to develop and experience your own kind of Christmas cheer this year. It is a wonderful feeling, spending time with your family, getting things done, and having a beautiful house afterward.

If there's anything Christmas does, it's that it brings people together.
And we all need a little nudge sometimes.


Happy Holidays, everyone. And may God bless you in this Christmas season.

May your dreams be merry, and bright...
And may all your Christmases be white.


~E

Bittle Lailee.

Telling this in present tense

I am sitting here, checking my email just like I do at some point every day. Bailee is watching Blue's Clues, which normally, can not be interrupted (if she had her way).

I open an email from my mother entitled "Interview with God". I normally don't read forwards, but since it was from my mother, I took a look. I click on the link to watch the video, and beautiful music starts playing. Bailee hurries over and tugs on my shirt sleeve, and I pick her up and put her on my lap.

*Before reading on, go here: Interview With God and click on "view presentation". The rest of this story will make more sense afterward.

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So Bailee is on my lap and the video starts, and her body just relaxes. I mean, every muscle in her body just goes limp, but in a good way. She leans her head back on me and settles in, exhaling.

We watch the video, and about halfway into it, when the question is asked "What would you want your children to know", she points to the screen and says "Jesus!"

"What?" I say. Not sure if I heard her correctly.

"Jesus."She says again, looking back and smiling at me.

I look somewhat confused, because if you watched the video, there are no images of Jesus whatsoever, only pictures of beautiful landscapes, and text scrolling across the video screen.

She points to the picture of Jesus we have hanging over our mantelpiece and says "Jesus," and points back at the screen: "Jesus!"

"Do you see him, Bailee?" I ask.

"Uh Huh, That one!" Which is her way of saying, yes, right there, and she points once more to the screen.

I sit in awe, wondering what she sees, or if she is just feeling Godly presence, etc.

- - - - -

The movie ends and she claps her hands and says "Again, Mommy!"

I press play, and after the first slide she says, smiling, "Jesus, Mommy! See him?"

I'm not sure exactly why, but at that point I felt warm and relaxed, just as she had when I pulled her into my lap. Tears formed in my eyes and I said "Bailee Marie, I love you."

She turned around, hugged me, and said, "See Jesus?" once more.

- - - - -

She made me play that video again and again, clapping her hands each time and exclaiming "Again!"

I'm not exactly sure what she saw, or what she felt, but it helped me to realize a few things.

She is one smart little girl. And she has felt the warmth of the Savior's love, and she can recognize when his spirit is present.

Through a video of landscape photography, and words she cannot decipher, she propped herself on my lap and exclaimed "Jesus, Mommy. See him?" So sure of herself, so intent on sharing her joy with me. She would clap her hands and ask for it, again and again. How many two-year old children do you know, that would ask to watch that video over and over again?

I was once again reminded of her great innocence. Her thirst and want and need for knowledge. Her trusting nature, that helps her to believe whatever it is that I or others who love her, are teaching her.

I am appreciative of her childlike innocence, and her ability to know when the spirit of her Lord is nigh. I am somewhat envious of it, also. But most of all, I am grateful that I have a bright, beautiful, SMART, young Daughter of God, who reminds me daily of what the Lord can, will, and has done for us. Each and every one of us.

You can take this or leave this how you like, but next time you are around a child, just pay attention. Look into their eyes and see how pure and clean they truly are. I don't know about anyone else, but that is the cleanliness, and the purity that I am striving for. So that I can be with my Heavenly Father again someday.

Something to study/think about:

• BIBLE REFERENCE: Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."


• BIBLE REFERENCE: Matthew 18:1-5 Emphasis on verse 4: "Whosoever therefor shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven."


• BOOK OF MORMON REFERENCE: 3 Nephi 9:22 "Therefore, whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God. Behold, for such I have laid down my life, and have taken it up again; therefore repent, and come unto me ye ends of the earth, and be saved."

~E

Humdinger.

Today is one of those days, where I feel the movement, but I don't get any results.

I can tell that something is changing. There's a hum in the environment (maybe its just in my head) that tells me something is changing. Something is working, something is...up.

I hope to find out what, and soon.

Other news: I'm prioritizing. Which for now means focusing on Bailee, on school, and on music. In that order. No boyfriends, no waiting list, no nothin'.

Joe and I are still on good terms. We are aiming for each other, but we both have a lot to accomplish before being too serious. We understand, even if you don't, and that's all that matters, for now.

Hmm. Don't really know what else to say, except to upload a few cute, recent pictures.

Love you all.

*Little Bailee loves big hats.

*Check out her face, and all the stuff on the floor.

*False advertisement: Read her shirt.

*Miss Deborah has returned. And don't call her "Debbie"!

*I see sunsets like this or better every day leaving from school. I thank God for the beauty he gives us glimpses of daily, and know that it's not even close to what he is capable of creating.

Esther Moore's Music
~E

Lysdexic, Mickle Fe.

Im dyslexic, and I'm fickle.

Reading my old posts, I realize how much my life changes in such a short period of time.

I'm happy with the way things are now more than I was then, but that's inevitable. I chose this path, and it's working out greatly.

I'm not sure what my plans are next. I don't even begin to try and plan, because (especially with my music), I have NO IDEA where i'll be in 6 months, a year, three years, etc.

I take days as they come and hope and pray that I will be guided along the way.

For the family and friends who help me along the way - I thank you.

Ah, the power of...um...

So I'm sitting in the library at school and realizing that I waste entirely too much time reading.

Go figure.
Us smarties like to read and read and read and think and think and think and then we never get anything done!

Well, the GOOD news is, I'll be getting ym cd's printed, finished, and ready to sell really soon. So wish me luck on THAT.

I don't really know what to write about, but I want to write. I think I'll check the headlines.



Some *head*line.
Haha, that was definitely a pun, intended.

Well anyways...Thoughts about that video right up there:
Who on earth would spend enough time to make that?! Those were jsut blocks, meaning that they'd have to do it all on photoshop or something similar, adding in the pictures, etc. Wow. I do NOT have enough time to even take all those pictures, let alone make a friggin' awesome video out of them. I don't think I even know that many people.

I don't have the time, and yet I'm writing this blog.....
Well now that I've COMPLETELY proved myself wrong...I'll be returning to my homework.

Loves.
~E

Coming up in the world.

I've learned not to judge too quickly.

Lately, I've been meeting a lot of people who surprise me with how easily I can become friends with them, relate to them, etc. It's shown me that I shouldn't judge too quickly, because I may be missing out on some great opportunities.



I've learned who my real friends are.

To all of you who are happy for me now, because I am happy and content in the situation I am in now, Thank you. I love and appreciate you and I hope you always know and remember that. But to all of those people who cant seem to find anything else better to do than talk about me behind my back, judge me for my actions, or be "mad" at me for decisions that I make - WellI'm sorry, but I don't think my personal life, or my life in general, has anything to do with you. My choices are between God and I, and the people involved. And frankly, you arent involved. If you were, you'd know.
And just because you know someone, doesn't mean you know what's best for them. That's what Mothers are for and last I checked, I already had a mother.
But thank you for your concern.

I've learned to let people in, and let things out.

I've done a lot of thinking in my time. Maybe too much some of the time. In the past, I have had a tendency to hold things in and then just blow up when things got too bad. Well I'm getting better, and I've promised myself that I will say something AS SOON AS a problem arrises, instead of just letting it eat away at me like a nail in a coke bottle. I'm done having holes dug in me from the emotional shovels that I swallow. It's time to get some soil and fill in the empty spaces.

I've learned that there is a reason for everything.

If I hadnt of run off with so-and-so, that weekend on tour, I wouldnt have realized what I was giving up with you. I'm glad everything happened the way it did, but most of all, I'm glad we are back together. I'm glad we can talk and be us and make plans, without having to involve anyone else. Not by choice, anyways. I love you, and I always will.


I've learned that toddlers can be fun.

Bailee has been an absolute doll lately. She says Please and Thank You (in words and in sign language) and Excuse me, and she asks for what she wants. So far, she is the most well-behaved two year old that I have ever encountered. Except maybe Olivia, fromt he Cosby show. But who knows how she really was ;) But anyways, I am reminded daily of how great a blessing Bailee truly is, and I love to watch her grow and learn. She's always so excited about trying new things and learning and striving to move forward. It motivates me to do the same!!!

I've learned to trust the Lord.

In the past, I've had a hard time just "setting my life in God's hands" and letting it be. I always thought that I would try it on my own first, and then if it didnt work, ask for Heavenly Father's help. Well, I was stupid in that respect. I have learned to put my life, my thoughts, my hopes, dreams, and wishes for the future, in God's hands FIRST. I believe...I KNOW that he will always find a way for me (for anyone) to accomplish what is needed. If it is right, he will help.

I've been reading scriptures every night (partnering up with Joe. Part of us basing our relationship on God and not each other, or the drama that goes on around us.) and then praying afterwards. I've started going to bed earlier and earlier because I look forward to reading scriptures, and I want to have time to really focus on it. I've started sleeping better than I ever have in my life, having amazing dreams, waking up in the morning feeling absolutely wonderful. I'm not saying that scripture study is a cure-all, but I'm saying that it's definitely helped me along the way in trying to become better, and finding myself in the Lord. And, it's a habit that I am not willing to give up.
Hi, I'm Esther Moore, and I'm addicted to reading scriptures and praying about them.

I've learned that things are not always as hard as they sound.

My cd will be done soon. Who would have thought I'd ever ACTUALLY get a cd recorded? I always hoped I would, and wished it would happen, but I honestly dont think I ever BELIEVED in myself enough to make it happen. I am so grateful that it all is coming together so well. The music sounds great and the cd cover looks Awesome! (Thanks, Mom.) I'm excited to release it, and hear people's feedback. I can't wait!

I've learned to live and let die.

The last few months of my life have been greatly overshadowed by the last few weeks. The opinions and love I had for certain people have been completely changed due to some things that have happened, things that have been said, attitudes between people, etc. And not necessarilly in a good way.

For a while, I had that slight hope of still being friends. The small chance that since I am a nice person, my ability to be nice and cordial to someone would help them want to do the same in return. The classic "golden rule" effect. Well, I'm not so sure it's working. It seems like lately, some of the people who were once in my life cant seem to do anything besides the things that I was trying to get away from in the first place. Which makes it that much easier for me to write them off as friends, or even "aquaintences" and still feel perfectly justified, without having to be mean. It makes it easy on me, so Thanks, I guess.

It's been really eye opening the last two weeks or so. Something I wish could have happened a long time ago, but at the same time, I dont regret a thing. Things happen for a reason, like I said above, and though I'm not QUITE sure what the reasons are for all of this, I'm willing to live and let die. I lived in that situation, I made those friends, I called the shots that I probably shouldn't have....But now I am letting go. Letting die.

Have fun on your side of the fence. This is one situation where I can say that the grass is definitely not greener. I'll stay in my own yard, thanks.



I've learned to like surprises.

I dont really have an explanation for this one, other than people surprise me, and more often than not lately, it's been a good thing. Its changing my views of people and things radically. I guess this could have gone under the "don't judge too quickly" category, huh?



I've learned to destress.

Before, my songs were about love; love lost, love gained, etc etc etc. Now I'm jsut...playing. I love to just sit down with my guitar, or in front of the piano, or the computer (to compose on cakewalk) and play my life away. There doesnt have to be words, like I always thought were so important. "Where words fail, music speaks." I've truly felt that lately. I've come up with some beautiful music that would only be brought down by adding something so simple and sinister as the English language. I think I'd rather just hear the melodies and harmonies and soft musical prayers that my fingers have been producing lately. I truly feel inspired, and can only thank one person.

I've learned to not get offended.

Okay, so in the past, I would. Someone would say something about me and I would get offended. Even if it was a joke. I would play it off like I didnt care, but I did. I would let things get to me, hold them in, and then at the least convenient time, I'd blow up, ruinging friendships, etc etc etc. BUT - I've realized that most of the time, when people are saying something about you, it's because they are not happy with themselves, or they are FOR SOME REASON, not happy with you....Which no one can really help I mean, if I went out and killed someone's parents, then thaty would give them the perfect right to say mean and nasty things about me. But it still wouldnt change the fact that they're parents were dead and I was probably in jail. (This would never happen, it's just an example....and probabaly not a very good one, come to think of it...) What I'm trying to say is, what does it solve, to talk badly about someone? I'll state things that I realize abuot people, but I try my darned hardest not to go around saying "so-and-so is a blankety blank blank" or "so-and-so did such-and-such and I will never forgive him for it because that is NOT what blah blah blah blah BLAH." I state observations. I form an opinion of someone, and yeah, it can change, but it rarely does unless I have a reason to do so. Most of the time, my opinions of people are good (with few exceptions). But I still can't paint everyone to be the "nice" person I'd like to think of them as. Some people just make it really hard to like them. Especially when you KNOW they can't be trusted.
It's these people that I used to get offended by. But I've finally learned to just let it be. Take what they say witha grain of salt.....Let their words and opinions rest on your shuolder, and then just brush it off. Let it fall to the floor unnoticed, even, because what harm are WORDS going to do, if you dont let them? Words dont have amind of their own. They dont attack like it sometimes feels like they are doing. It's the people who do the attacking. So if you are uncomfortable, then dont put yourself in that situation! Which is exactly what I am doing. So, sorry if you are one of those people that I am avoiding, but I feel the need to have friends who respect and appreciate me. Not friends who calculate the consequences and stupidity of my every move, when really, I've got it figured out a heck of a lot more than they do. Oh, and if you're one of the people I'm avoiding, you'll know. It'll be obvious.

I've learned to be blunt.

Some people just don't get it unless you are. You can say "No sweetie, I dont really feel like going out tonight" to get out of a date a million times, but there comes a point where you just have to say "NO I WILL NEVER GO OUT WITH YOU!" (Another bad example, probably...) I've learned to be nice, but not too nice. If I have to say something, I will. If it's going to hurt someone's feelings, I try not to, but if it's for their own good, I will. I'm sorry if I offend you in any way shape or form, but certain things just need to be said. And with people down my throat all the time about my life and my choices, I think it's about dang time I spoke up and stood up for myself. So...Sorry to all of you out there who like to be controlling, but I'm not allowing it any more. I am my own person, and the only person who has the right to control me is God, and myself. And waht did God give all of us? FREE AGENCY.

Maybe you should learn to take advantage of it too, instead of forcing your opinions on everyone else. Just a thought....

I've learned to love.

No need for explanation, because if you are involved, then you dont need one. And if you arent involved, then you don't need to be.






Just a few thoughts of mine lately.
Love,
Esther

p.s. Go to www.esthermoore.com if you haven't already and check out the demos of the cd I'll be releasing soon. Enjoy!

And then there was you...

This morning wasn't so hott, but then I saw all my family again and it was better. It's been fun so far! The "men" of the family went golfing, and the women (and children, of course) are stuck home. We're talking just like normal and having a good time cathcing up.

Last night, we were all here, and I had an allergic reaction to something. Weird. My eyes puffed, my throat swelled, my whole body itched inside and out, and I wanted to just cry. I finally fell asleep on the floor and woke up jsut long enough to transport myself from my mother's floor, to my bed at home. I fell asleep immediately while Tyler took over and put Bailee to bed (I was greatly thankful...) and I didn't wake up until almost 14 hours later. I feel great today!



So anyways....I just realized I hadnt posted in a while.
Oh, and I got a new phone. Blackberry. I absolutely love it!



I miss staying in touch with the ones I love.
I crave feedback.

-Esther